


feelings that we hide

by cjmasim



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Magical Realism, Prophetic Visions, Road Trips, Visions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-09-26 20:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17148929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjmasim/pseuds/cjmasim
Summary: "I feel this - I don't know, like an actual physical pull, and I have no idea where or what it leads to, but somehow I just feel like I need to follow it.""Then let's follow it," Nolan says.-Or, Nolan and TK go on a road trip.





	feelings that we hide

**Author's Note:**

  * For [manybumblebees](https://archiveofourown.org/users/manybumblebees/gifts).



> For my recipient: I combined several of the things you listed in your dear author letter, including road trip fic, fwb, magical realism, and friends to lovers. I had a lot of fun writing this pairing, and definitely hope to see more of them in the future! And of course, thank you to the mods for running this exchange. 
> 
> A few minor warnings for description of a near–panic attack, some non–graphic violence, and a brief mention of major character death (though no one dies). 
> 
> If you or someone you know personally is part of this fic, it's probably best if you don't read this. 
> 
> The title is from Drive by Halsey. 
> 
> Enjoy!

It started after the first time Travis hooked up with Nolan.

Now, what _it_ is, Travis still isn't entirely sure. They'd both been playing Xbox and drinking, and one thing had led to another, and somehow, Travis had found himself in Nolan's bed. He'd been wanting it for a while, remembers being shocked and delighted at how eager Nolan was, and the sex was even better than he'd imagined. He couldn't have ever predicted what would happen afterward, though.

It wasn't anything major - not yet, anyway. Nolan had gotten up to get a towel, and Travis remained on the bed, still slightly dazed from the sudden turn of events, and he'd blinked and seen the puck coming straight to his stick, and he shot it, and the next thing he knew, Nolan was flying into his arms.

"Teeks?" Nolan had asked, and Travis had been pulled back into the present. He didn't know what happened - it was far too vivid for a daydream, had almost felt as though he was actually there on the ice. He had felt the stick in his hands, Nolan leaning into him, Provy jumping in to join them.

At the time, he didn't think much of it. It was weird, yes, but so was sleeping with Nolan, and he'd much rather dwell on one of those things than the other.

But then it actually happened. They'd played the Blues the next day, and Travis saw the puck coming to his stick, and he reacted, just the same as he had the previous night, and Nolan jumped into his arms, just the same as before. Provy jumped in to join them, and this time, Travis wasn't jerked back to the present; it was real, and he was living it.

By this point, Travis knew that this was the strangest thing that had ever happened to him, but it was just one time. Just because he saw the future once didn't mean that he had some kind of ability, he reasoned.

Until it happened again. And again.

Every time he hooked up with Nolan, he'd see a vision - the two of them kissing, or scoring a goal, or trying to cook dinner together. Sometimes it would take an hour, other times as many as three days, but the visions would always come true. Travis tried playing around with them, tried passing the puck to someone else to see how things would change, but the end result was always the same. Nolan would give him an almost identical pass and he'd score anyway, and the celly would look the same. Or he'd see a vision of them kissing in the kitchen while cooking and refuse to help Nolan with the food, and the kiss wouldn't happen in the kitchen, but Nolan would come to the living room and kiss him exactly the same way anyway.

Eventually, Travis had had to admit that this isn't just a coincidence or something he can ignore. In theory, it shouldn't come as too much of a surprise that he has an ability; both of his grandfathers and several of his cousins have abilities of their own. Of course, theirs all developed when abilities are supposed to develop. If this had happened a few years ago, when he was still growing, maybe he wouldn't be surprised or freaked out at all. But he's twenty-one; his window has long since passed. He's never heard of a case of someone developing an ability this late in life.

He knows that he should tell someone, but telling someone makes it real, and Travis isn't sure if he's quite ready to face it. The visions have been completely innocuous anyway; he hasn't seen anything dark or painful, and since he can't seem to change anything, it's not as though he can use it to cheat at hockey. So, he'll just keep quiet for now.

-

The visions seem to escalate at the same rate as his relationship with Nolan. Travis still isn't quite sure what they are, but they're definitely something, and he finds himself feeling more and more fond of him every day, to the point that eventually, he realizes that maybe he's actually in love with him. This revelation seems to unlock something in him, for immediately afterward, he has a vision of the Flyers being shut out and giving up seven goals. It's the first time he's had a vision just by thinking about Nolan; it's also the most negative one he's had.

The next day, of course, it happens, and Travis blames himself more than usual, even as he knows that there's nothing he really could've done.

From there, the visions get worse and worse. They start to happen more often even when he's not near Nolan; it seems all Travis has to do is think about him, and it's starting to get far too frequent for his liking. He's having one nearly every day, and they're negative more and more often. Whereas he used to see blissful moments between the two of them, now he's seeing the moments where they fight, opposing goals that are their fault, even things that don't directly concern him like nearby car accidents and their neighbors having a huge fight that ends in a breakup.

He keeps it to himself as long as he can, but that can only last so long.

-

The season's over now, and it's been nearly six months since Travis had his first vision. He's angry - they all are. After the way their season started, he should've expected to miss the playoffs, but that doesn't make it hurt any less, and the season is over far too quickly for his liking.

The sex he has with Nolan after their last game is meant to vent his frustrations, and it's rougher than usual. They've gotten good at this, know each other better than Travis ever knew any of his exes, even though he and Nolan aren't even dating. He still doesn't know what they are, and they're about to go their separate ways for the offseason, and Travis isn't sure if he should ask or just roll with it, but before he can decide, he has another vision.

This one, though - this one is different.

Normally he sees something - Nolan, or one of his teammates, or his surroundings. This time, there's only blackness. It's not nothing, though; there's movement, almost like a sort of swirling. It seems like the blackness is racing, and Travis feels wind whipping at his sides, can barely stand because of it. He realizes then that he hadn't been standing when the vision began, and that this is indeed a vision, but he can't shake the fear. He doesn't know what's going on, but he knows it's bad, and he needs to run but something's wrong and he can't, he can't, he's stuck and he can't find Nolan and -

"Teeks?" He hears, and he still sees the blackness, but it's fading, and fading faster, and he knows it's just a vision, and - he can see Nolan. "Are you okay?"

Travis takes a deep breath, willing himself to calm down. That vision was - a lot, to be sure, but he can handle it. "Yeah," he says, but his voice is more hoarse than he'd thought it would be. He clears his throat and tries again, and it comes out more clear this time.

"Okay," Nolan says, sighing in relief. "Okay. You were - jeez, Teeks, what happened?"

"I don't know," Travis says, and it's not a complete lie, though there's definitely a lot that Nolan doesn't know.

"That wasn't, like, a panic attack, was it?" Nolan asks, though by the look on his face, Travis knows it's not really a question. "You seemed like you were somewhere else, man. Like, your eyes were totally blank, and you weren't moving at all, and it was really creepy, then you just started breathing faster and - I didn't know what to do."

Travis sighs. He can't just leave Nolan to worry; he has to tell him.

"You know I won't judge you, just - you have to know something," Nolan says.

He isn't ready for this to be real, isn't sure he'll ever be, but he has to do it, so he just - does it. He tells Nolan about all the visions, and how they've escalated, though he leaves out the part about them always happening when he's near or thinking about Nolan, and finally, he tells him about the most recent one.

"I have no idea what it was," Travis tells him, and Nolan's looking right at him, eyes wide, listening attentively. "But it was black, and moving fast, and I could feel the wind on me. I was so scared, but I don't know what, and I still - it hasn't gone away."

"What do you mean?" Nolan asks.

"I mean - fuck, I don't know how to explain this. It's just - during the vision, I felt a sense of urgency, like I had to keep moving toward something, but I have no idea what. Like, I usually do feel things during visions, but it always goes away when I snap out of it."

"But not this time?" Nolan guesses, and Travis nods.

"Exactly," he says. "I feel this - I don't know, like an actual physical pull in one direction - stop smirking, you know what I mean - and I have no idea where or what it leads to, but, I don't know, somehow I just feel like I need to follow it."

"Then let's follow it," Nolan says, far too casually.

Travis blinks, and he imagines he looks a lot like the blinking white guy meme right now. "What?"

"I mean, it's a vision, right? Maybe you're meant to stop this thing," Nolan says.

"I don't even know what it is!" Travis exclaims.

"Maybe you'll have another vision? I don’t know, man, but we have the time, so why not?"

"Because it's dangerous?" Travis says. "We have no idea what we're getting into here or how much time we have."

Nolan shrugs. "I still say we do it. I'll drive in case you have another vision, and I'll even let you listen to country on occasion if it makes you feel better."

Travis raises an eyebrow. Nolan really is pulling out all the stops here. He knows he should fight it - his mom would certainly say so, anyway - but Nolan's looking at him like he's just waiting for him to say yes, and his eyes are shining with excitement for the first time in - well, too long, after that season, and how can Travis say no to him? If he has a vision of anything worse than what he's already seen, he'll turn them around, but for now, they may as well try.

"Okay," he says, and Nolan smiles almost instantly. "Let's do it."

-

They don't know how far they're going, so they each pack a bag with a few changes of clothes and all the essentials, get into Nolan's truck, and drive, blasting country music to start the trip off right – Travis' words, not Nolan's. It's chaotic, to say the least. Getting out of Philadelphia is a nightmare in itself, navigating the highways with no sense of direction other than Travis telling Nolan to take various exits until they find themselves heading west on I-76 toward Pittsburgh.

"I sure hope we don't have to stop there," Nolan grumbles, and Travis could not agree more.

They're several miles past Pittsburgh when they reach the end of Travis' country playlist, and Nolan seems happier the second the last song ends.

"You know you didn't have to do that, right?" Travis asks, a small smile on his face. "I really am okay."

"You tell me that now?" Nolan glares at him, and Travis laughs. Nolan puts on One Direction just to spite him, and that's what they listen to for the next five hours, save for one brief bathroom break.

By this point, the sun is setting, and Travis still doesn't feel like they're much closer to their destination, though he's not sure he would actually know if they were. They haven't eaten since lunch, and he's starving; as much as he wants to just keep going until he stops feeling the pull and the undercurrent of danger, he knows that Nolan, at least, needs the rest.

"Hey, take the next exit," he says. Not because of the pull, this time, but because of the food, gas, and lodging that the highway sign claims they'll find there.

Nolan does so without question, and Travis directs him into the parking lot of a Quality Inn somewhere in Ohio.

"Your vision wasn't actually at this hotel, was it?"

"No," Travis answers. "But we should rest, and eat dinner."

"I guess," Nolan says, parking the truck. "We getting room service then?"

"It's either that or fast food," Travis says. In reality, he's sure he could find a restaurant on his phone, but it'd be farther away, and they don't know how much time they have. If his past visions are any indication, they can't have more than two more days before the darkness - whatever it is - arrives.

-

Travis has another vision that night. This one isn't as extreme as the last; his reaction, as with most of them, is to only appear spaced out, and it doesn't last long. Nolan only notices because he'd seen the last one and remembers what to watch for.

"What was it?" He asks once Travis is clearly back to himself.

This particular vision isn't one of the happy ones, but it's not as bad as the last. He sees two men walking along an empty road, one of whom is wearing a backpack. He's too far away to make out their faces, but it's nighttime, and this road is clearly in the country judging by the lack of - well, anything. Nolan is with him, holding his hand, though neither of them say anything, and that's a new development. They've kissed, and fucked plenty, but they've never held hands before.

He tells all of this to Nolan, minus the part where they hold hands.

"Something shady's going on," Nolan says.

"No shit."

-

He has two more visions the next day.

In the first, he sees the two men again, only this time, Nolan is talking to them. Travis is too far away to hear them, even though his every instinct is begging him to run, keep Nolan safe, knowing that he's outnumbered and that these men have far more power than he can handle, both physically and magically. He tries, but his future self refuses to comply, as he always does. After what feels like far too long but probably isn't any longer than two minutes, one of the men grabs Nolan, though he doesn't escalate it any further or drag him anywhere. Travis' legs are shaking, but he stays put, even as his mind is screaming at him to run and fight. The other man is still talking, and Travis can see that Nolan is terrified, but he still can't move.

It ends there, though Travis comes back to himself desperate to know what happens next.

"I'm sure it'll be okay," Nolan says once Travis tells him, and his voice is so soothing, such a departure from his usual monotone, and Travis wants so badly to believe him.

When he feels himself yanked into the second vision, he has a fleeting hope that it'll give him the answers he wants, but instead he sees Nolan spread out beneath him on the white sheets of a hotel bed, and as pleasant as the image is, it's not quite what he needs right now.

Still, it helps.

-

By the next morning, they're pulling out of a hotel in Iowa, still with no idea where they're going or what's going to happen. Somehow, Travis has a feeling that this is going to be their last day of driving, but he doesn't have any real reason to think that.

"You know," Nolan says at one point, "I've never heard of someone developing an ability as late as you."

"Me neither," Travis says.

"I've heard it can lie dormant and be - I guess _awakened_ by strong emotions, like fear or love. But I always thought that was just a myth."

Travis looks out the window, decidedly not looking at Nolan. "It probably is."

-

He sees the two strange men again, and it picks up right where the last vision left off, only this time, there's a cloud of darkness closing in on him.

Travis tries to run, and his legs are moving, but he's not going anywhere, like he's on a treadmill. He tries to scream, but nothing comes out. He tries, and he tries, and he watches, helpless, as the darkness covers him. Nolan screams, and the men laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

-

Travis snaps out of it, only he's not back in the truck with Nolan. He's back on the road, standing far away. Nolan is being held in place by one of the men, and this time, they really are right where they left off.

He realizes with a jolt that this is a vision - it seems obvious, but there's something different about it this time. Watching Nolan - he doesn't want to say _that_ word - it hadn't felt the same. He'd been right there in the moment; in his visions, it's more like he splits into his present and future self, watching and feeling both versions of himself. He must have dozed off and had a nightmare.

The man who isn't holding Nolan opens the backpack and takes out some items. Travis isn't quite sure what they are; it appears one is a large book, but the others are too small for him to see at this distance. He doesn't know what's happening, but he thinks that he should run, and this time, he does.

The men see him coming before he makes it, as is inevitable in these open fields, and Travis is struck with the realization that he has absolutely no idea what he's doing. Regardless, he presses on, running straight up to the men, and one of them begins speaking. He can't hear him until he reaches them, and he doesn't recognize the language, but it sounds like he's reading the words to some kind of spell.

"Stop-" Nolan starts to yell, but the other man waves a hand and no more sound comes out of his mouth, even as it continues to move.

Travis gets the gist of it, though, and he runs up, preparing to tackle the man.

-

"That's how it ended," Nolan deadpans. "Your visions always end at the most inconvenient places, don't they?"

"Yeah," Travis sighs. "Fucking useless ability."

"Hey, it's not useless," Nolan says. "We might be about to stop something big, right? It sounds like they're trying to perform some spell. Maybe that's the dark cloud you saw - some release of, like, dark magic or whatever."

"Maybe," Travis says. He does have a point; it sounds as though that's exactly what the men are doing, assuming it is related to the vision that started all of this. "But I've never been able to change the outcome before."

"You said I was saying stop?" Nolan asks, and Travis nods. "Maybe I meant to stop the spell. Or maybe you could divert the energy somewhere else? I don't know how, exactly, but if you can mess up the spell somehow, maybe that'll be enough. You know, change the way it happens, maybe that lessens the impact."

"You might be onto something," Travis says. It's dangerous, and a huge risk to think that they can possibly stop something that might be this big, but they've come this far. "What's the plan, then?"

-

Two hours later, the pull suddenly shifts, and Travis tells Nolan to turn. It's not an exit to another highway, this time; it's a backroad with no more than a few farms. He knows instantly that they've made it.

So does Nolan, as he's the first to spot the two guys walking along the road, one carrying a backpack. They're headed in the direction from which he and Travis have come, so Nolan drives far enough away to not be seen and pulls over.

"That was them," Travis confirms. "We're here."

His heart is racing already, even as he knows nothing's going to happen now. The visions had all been at night; they have a few hours until sunset.

-

They go over the plan, and drive to a nearby town to get some food. Once they're far enough, the pull returns, and Travis has no doubt they'll be able to find the men, not when his body apparently functions as some sort of fucked up compass that searches for evil or whatever. By the time they drive back to the mostly empty road, the sun is beginning to set.

Travis remembers his nightmare from earlier. He didn't tell Nolan about that, hadn't seen the point, but now it's all he can think about. He knows the second vision was the real one, can tell the difference, but still - the real one had ended early enough that there wasn't anything preventing the nightmare from becoming reality.

"You can't do this," he blurts out.

"What?"

"It's too dangerous," Travis says, even as he knows that it's a weak excuse. He tells him about the nightmare, makes it clear that it wasn't a vision, and Nolan listens, but he shakes his head when Travis is done.

"It's just a nightmare, Teeks," he says softly. "I'll be okay. I promise."

"You can't promise that," Travis says.

Nolan sighs. "Fine," he says. "But I'm not leaving you alone, and now that we're here, we can't just abandon this. We don't even know what could happen if we leave."

"I know, I know," Travis says. "It's just - I can't lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either," Nolan says, taking his hand. Travis feels his breath hitch. "I - I'm sorry if this is weird, but since we might be about to die, uh, I guess it's a good time to tell you that I kinda really like you?"

"You mean, like-"

"Uh, yeah. Romantically," Nolan says, and Travis' heart soars; suddenly, he's filled with so much joy he almost forgets the impending danger they're in. He almost laughs; here they are, in the midst of something dangerous that neither of them truly understand, finally figuring their shit out.

"Same," he says, and that one small word is enough for Nolan to grin wider than Travis has ever seen. "I think I love you."

"One last kiss, then?" Nolan asks. "I think I love you too, and we have to have one romantic moment in our lives."

"It's already romantic without the kiss," Travis says, smiling, and he leans in to kiss Nolan.

-

Moments later, they exit the truck, and the scene plays out just as it did in Travis' visions, only this time, he's in control of his actions. They watch the two men from afar, waiting, though for what, they don't know. Suddenly, Nolan's hand in his doesn't confuse him. Eventually, the men start preparing to do whatever it is that they're attempting, and Travis watches as Nolan approaches them, hiding, just as in the vision. He feels the same intense fear as before, only this time, it's more real, more present. As much as he wants to run to Nolan's side when he's captured, he doesn't. He knows how things are supposed to happen, and if he messes that up, he could be putting Nolan in more danger.

When he finally runs up to the man, he tackles him harder than he's ever checked an opposing player, and the man falls down, dropping the book from which he's reading. Still, he continues reciting the spell from memory, and a black cloud begins to rise from his body as he finishes the spell.

Travis wants to run to Nolan, shield him as best as he can, but he can't let the guy catch him, too, so he stays put. The cloud rises, and suddenly, he's surrounded by blackness, just like before.

He tries to move, to run away, but he can't. He's stuck, frozen, just like in the vision, and the wind is whipping at his body. He doesn't even know where it came from – the dark cloud, he supposes – but it's menacing, far too strong for the otherwise mild night. Travis wants to get out of it, has no idea what's happening. He can't _see_  anything, can't hear anything, can't feel anything other than panic. All he can think about is Nolan. He has to get to Nolan, has to keep him safe. He feels a fear greater than anything he's ever known, and even though he's not in any physical pain, he knows, somehow, that he'll die if he doesn't get out of this.

Somewhere in the distance, he hears a muffled voice. It sounds like Nolan, sounds like "Teeks", just like he'd heard in the original vision, but – 

He feels something hard run into him, and suddenly, the blackness is gone. He looks up to see that it's still in the air, just no longer surrounding him, zipping through the night and straight into the book that the shady man had been reading from. More pressingly, Nolan is on top of him, and Travis doesn't know where the men went, but in this moment, he doesn't care.

-

"So you just ran right into me?" Travis asks for what feels like the hundredth time. "And that actually worked?"

"Yes," Nolan replies, clearly exasperated. "I told you, I don't know how it worked, but somehow, getting your attention was enough to make the thing go away, I guess." The  _thing_ being, of course, the dark cloud that had surrounded Travis and started all of this mess.

The whole thing still doesn't completely make sense to Travis; all they really know is that the dark cloud had contained some sort of dark magic that the men had been trying to release for whatever reason. He doesn't know whether it would have actually killed him if Nolan hadn't figured out how to stop it, but at the time, he'd been certain that it would have. Either way, he's just glad to be out of this mess. 

"You could become a superhero, you know," Nolan tells him after a few hours of driving. Travis laughs in disbelief.

"Superheroes aren't real," he says.

Nolan raises an eyebrow. "So what you just–"

"We," Travis interrupts him.

"Okay, what  _we_ just did," Nolan says. "You don't think that was worthy of a superhero?"

"No way, man," Travis says. "We hardly even did anything. And I'm not wearing some tight–ass costume and mask and shit."

Nolan laughs, and now that the imminent danger has passed, Travis takes the time to really appreciate the sound. He's heard it a few times already since they began the trip back, more than he would usually hear it in a whole day, or even a whole  _week_ , during the season. He doesn't think he's even said anything all that funny, but to know that Nolan finds joy in the dumb things he says and even just his presence, well – it's a lot. 

"You know," he says a while later. "I'm glad you came out here with me."

Nolan smiles again. "So am I. Told you I'd be okay."

"Shut up," Travis laughs, and if Nolan weren't driving, he'd probably initiate a wrestling match right then and there. "You couldn't have known that."

"You are the absolute last person who should be saying that," Nolan says, and even if it's not necessarily true, Travis laughs.

He has a vision later that afternoon of the two of them spooning in a hotel bed, and sure enough, he falls asleep that night wrapped in Nolan's arms, the happiest he's been in a long time. 


End file.
